Bathroom Design
July 29, 2008
I am writing this entry in response to a hilarious entry I had read earlier today.
The first thing we need to get out of the way is the very nature of a “Men’s Restroom.” This room is no longer a place of “rest” as it has morphed from a convenience into a still frame from a horror movie. The premise of a public bathroom is a simple enough idea, and you would think that design would be the least of our worries as we hustle into the public bathroom looking to unload.
The reality is that the design of today’s public bathroom, and specifically the male bathroom, is cause for great concern. Jamelah had mentioned in her blog three (3) areas in design that need urgent attention and I would have to agree with her on those points.
Point 1: Stall size needs to be moderated. Small stalls can pose a danger.
Point 2: Toilet height needs to be standardized.
Point 3: Doors need to swing in one direction, in or out. Jamelah prefers out and I could come up with strong arguments for both.
Inward swinging door: This poses a problem for those doors with lame locks. Most people wouldn’t think a broken nose or a concussion could ever occur while going to the bathroom – but if you come across an overly aggressive man trying to break his way into a stall, then you know it is entirely possible.
Outward swinging door: This poses a problem for those doors with lame locks, again. Instead of someone trying to knock you back into the wall with the door, they simply reveal your agony and embarrassment as they tear open the door. Also, the stall-member who is rushing to escape the stall poses a danger to anyone passing by as a door can quickly fly open to say “hi” to your face!
Now that I’ve gone on my tangent, let’s get back on track and talk about the main issues with the design of a male bathroom. Keep in mind that males are blessed and now cursed with the ability to pee while standing up. This unique talent also allows males to aim their urine in whichever direction they choose. Some may ask, “well wouldn’t you just aim it in the toilet?”
All I can do is hope.
Some males find it fanciful to go freehand when they piss. How you ask? Well, I’m glad you asked because there are many ways males go freehand and many reasons why it’s wrong.
Superman Freehand: Both hands are stretched forward and palms are pressed against the wall above the pee-destination. This often results in uncontrolled backsplash and innocent shoes ruined forever.
Proud Man Freehand: Both hands are firmly placed on the hips as the male stands perfectly erect and watches in pleasure as his hose flails about miserably like a firehouse without a fireman. This always results in piss going everywhere.
Part of the problem with the freehand method of pissing, is the urinal. Which brings me to design flaw number one.
Urinals should catch pee, not deflect pee. The urinal is a great appliance for males across the world. They can quickly run up to any urinal, unzip, unload, zip and retreat. The problem with urinals is this odd need to have “nice” urinals. The only “nice” urinal is one that doesn’t deflect my piss back at me, not on my pants and certainly not on my shoes. Some designers have tried to avoid this by lowering the urinal so you can get a more direct line into the center of the urinal drain. Some have gone as crazy as putting the drain for the urinal on the ground. What. The. Fuck. Haven’t these designers figured out the fatal flaw in this? A hose can only spray a neat, clean line for so long, before the line begins to separate and look more like a shower head. If you drop the drain to the ground, you should also include shoe polish in the bathroom because my shoes look like I just took a walk on the beach!
What’s more disgusting than realizing you sprayed piss on your own shoe? Realizing that piss on your shoe is also the piss from the guy next to you. Which brings me to my next point.
Urinal separators need to separate. Have you guys ever seen that urinal separator that looks more like a cereal box stapled to a wall? I’m talking about the separator that is so low and so narrow, that when I unzip and look down, my peripheral is unfairly tainted with the view of some random dude’s junk. What about those guys who like to challenge themselves and stand 4 feet away from the urinal? That little separator is not protecting us from these rebels at all. The solution is to build out a long tall wall that is about six feet high, stretches down to the ground to protect me from random piss (see above) and protrudes out from the wall about 3 feet. This way I can take a piss without being subjected to the freehanders, stray pissers and random grunts and noises.
My third and final point is a point that applies to all sexes, but for some reason, has gone completely unscathed for decades.
Toilet paper, not sand paper and not rice paper. How often do you find yourself spinning toilet paper around your hand like your wrapping up a ball of yarn just so you can get enough protection to cleanly wipe? How often do you find yourself at CVS or Rite Aid looking for lotions and creams to help heal the searing pain on your ass because the toilet paper is made from half recycled beer bottles? Nothing compares to the terrible feeling you get when you’ve been forced to enter a public bathroom and of all things, sit on a public toilet. But after going through so much pain and torment, when you go to spin that toilet paper roll and you realize you’re in for a journey? I mean, come on man! Why are you so fucking cheap with the toilet paper? The consistency of toilet paper in the public bathroom is either thin enough to dissolve with a drop of moisture, or so damned strong that you can use it to sand down your coffee table before you stain it.
To recap:
Urinals don’t serve their purpose because more piss leaves a urinal than enters it. Please just give me a bowl of water to piss into and I’ll be fine! My shoes thank you.
Urinals require separation that serves a function. A function that keeps me from having to watch a freehander shake violently and a function that keeps me from having to see that you clearly have a herpes outbreak today.
Charmin needs to be adopted by all public bathrooms. Raw asses and stained hands will rejoice!
The Doomed Generation
July 18, 2008
Shortly after arriving at work I found myself double-clicking Firefox and navigating directly to various news/media sites. It didn’t take long for me to stumble upon an article that got my rusty gears cranking again.
My eyes wizzled through the article as my mind held its breath, hoping for that one profound statement that would send my spiraling thoughts overboard into the tumultuous sea of anger and frustration. But as the article wound its way down and the advertisements beneath began to rise, I knew I had to be the one to make that profound statement.
Why is it so wrong for the people of a nation to want the government to help? Upwards of 35% of my paycheck is taken away from me and I’m hard-pressed to tell you where all that money goes. However, if the inability of the government to sustain and regulate its own economy has wreaked havoc on millions and millions of American families, then why, I ask you, is it so wrong to ask – no – EXPECT the government clean up their own mess?
Predatory lending practices. Unsanctioned military actions. Trillions spent on false wars. Oil speculation.
Who has benefited from all of this? Banks are failing miserably and desperately trying to pass off their costs of foreclosures onto new borrowers, so they certainly aren’t aided by this. Thousands of our troops and countless more families and friends have been devastated by the losses and injuries sustained by those sent to fight in a war veiled by “our need to protect our way of life.” Meanwhile, our way of life has come under attack from within our own borders with skyrocketing energy prices and an economy that can’t sustain itself let alone grow.
Oil speculation. Big energy companies and the oil futures market has become grossly wealthy since this began – and it truly began when the government decided it wasn’t necessary to regulate the oil futures market to ensure speculation didn’t falsely drive up the cost of oil. As we typically do in America, we saw an opening, a loophole and we took advantage – even if it meant sabotaging the American Dream in the process.
And in the midst of all of this we have a government with no accountability and one that accepts no responsibility for the current state of life in America. The government can claim it needs to spy on its own citizens to protect our way of life, but they hesitate to pay Medicare doctors fair wages. The government can argue we need to attack the Iraqi’s and Iranians because they pose a threat to our safety, but with hundreds of thousands losing their jobs – who is going to protect their families?
The cost of a house in the past decade has risen to astronomical values, but when those unrealistic home prices drop 5% in a couple years, the housing market begins to self implode – who is going to protect the average citizen from losing their home?
This administration, our current government has stressed time in and time out, “If you are not with us, you are against us.” The cowboy mentality of guns blazing and riding into town to save the day is nothing more than a farce; a cruel prank played on us all.
Government has assumed the right to impose laws that “protect ourselves from ourselves” and to protect the innocent. Abortion has come under heavy fire in recent years, but not a peep about the death penalty. Recently, the current administration has been trying to persuade law makers that contraceptive pills, birth control, are a form of abortion and should be regulated as such. Two people who share a life, a home and a family are told by the government they cannot be married in the eyes of the government, and this is done “to protect the sanctity of marriage.”
I see so much that has changed in the past 8 years of this once great nation. I feel beaten, battered and worn down. I feel cheated, robbed and scarred. I see so many of my fellow people struggling to just survive. These people aren’t concerned with the “American Dream” they just want to feed their families and put a roof over their head. They just want to wake up and have a job to go to, a meaning in life.
In a nation that has put so much focus on working towards success, towards a unified goal of freedom – we’ve fallen terribly short. Owning a home is truly a dream in today’s economy. Earning a fair wage out of college is becoming an endangered practice. And it’s not just the salaries that are bias, it’s the cost of living. In 1962, the mean annual household income was just over $50,000. In 2007, the mean annual household income was just over $75,000 – that’s a 50% increase in salaries over a 45 year period.
In 1962 the average cost of a home was $20,000. In 2007 the average cost of a home is just over $200,000 – that’s a 1,000% increase. If the cost of a home were to remain on par or close to the mean annual household income, homes would cost on average, $30,000 (a 50% increase over 45 years). If the mean annual household income were to remain on par or close to the average cost of a home, salaries would average over $500,000.
But I digress. My point is going to become lost in these numbers, in my ramblings. Our focus has been so heavily on one matter that we so easily forget to focus on the others. I’ve illustrated this in my writing and we’ve experienced this in our lives.
We’ve put trillions into protecting our way of life while our way of life has suffered because of the lack of focus on ourselves. Our focus is guided by those in power who tell us what our focus should be. For 8 years our focus has been safety and security for the future. I hope we can spend just one of the next few years focusing on ourselves for a little bit, to secure our personal futures in our personal lives.
